Living with a wolf

And so the time goes by...

And both of us, counting minutes, seconds, over and over , day after day...

"I must be strong" , "I must carry on"

Each day, waking up, going to work, managing other people's lives, worrying about the company profits, making people richer day after day, breaking for a coffee or two, coping with lacks of responsibility, returning to help others, helping sales, helping professionals, break for another coffee... Caffeine running in veins, excitement, rushing, providing information, making other peoples dream come true, giving words of hope and help, looking cheerful, some cigarretes help to minimize the boredom, again... it is 21hs. Another 21hs in life, another day ends, another journey finishes. Go back home, now life begins!

Living with a boat ready to sail.
Weird to be and not to be.
Never could understand the real meaning of this sentence in Hamlet speech. Being in a palce and not being at the same time.
Being with a person and not being
Being happy and sad
Being near but far
Looking out and seeing things with a sensation they wont be there anymore.

Some time ago I was having a very weird feeling. I was having the sensation I would die soon. Many days, I used to have this sensation. I got worried, thinking it would be the start of a depression, or maybe a mind disorder, being ashamed for having that feeling and therefore being labeled as a crazy person. "How come can a person have the sensation of death?" "You should go and look for a psychiatrist" "This can be due to the lack of aims u may have".

Bullshit.

I was dieing yes.

Now I understand what was happening.

I was killing a part of my life, being re born, showing myself a new "me". Going for the second part of my life.

Killing the life of comfort, being comfortable with the things I had achieved so far.

Being born again.

The boat ready to leave.

Yes.

Nothing new, except for the feeling of "waiting".

What are we waiting for?

Action!! Action!!

Planing and action.

As time goes by...

Escrito por Crissy às 12h05
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I tried a free horoscope match thing i found in the net, and lol decided to paste in here the results of my "birth-map" crossed with Chris' one.

Come on... I bet you have made this sort of stuff before, lol

I added some comments (obvious) to it, lol The comments are in red colour.

Christopher's Sun Conjunct Cristiane's Uranus:

You inspire each other to try new things, experiment, and investigate alternatives. (true, this is what called my attention towards Christopher since the very first days when we started talking over ICQ)You may have met each other, for example, during a time period when both of you were breaking free from traditional values and exploring new possibilities. (Yes, true also, I met Chris when I was starting a breakeven in my career and also in my personal life)This is a good relationship for shared creative, innovative activities. You inspire each other, and have good times together,(true, true, true! ) but you also find that commitments or contracts with each other are difficult to adhere to over time. (Humm, the point here is that we both know that unfortunately, there is a big ocean between us, I could say that it is difficult, of course, but not impossible)This relationship works well as long as you don't make too many demands on each other. (Yes, we both have "free spirits" and a clear view of each other's space and limits. Love doesnt mean prison, and I believe that our love grows bigger each day due to this mature sense that we both have. Doesnt mean we dont care for each other, or that we are free to "mess around". We are commited, yes, and through the heart, which means we dont need to "tie" the other to a stone in order to get respect. Cheating is not in our plans. Because we dont need it.)

Cristiane's Sun Square Christopher's Pluto:

Your relationship is intense and complex. You engage in deep, intense discussions and encounters that unveil your innermost thoughts, feelings, goals, hopes, fears, and ambitions. (Yes, you can spot that just by reading this blog entirely, lol. Chris helps me finding out more about myself.)This is not a superficial relationship! You are very uninhibited with each other, and you open up to each other more readily than to others. (Yes, he once told me that, and I feel the same. We are before all, very good friends) Be wary of power struggles, however, as Christopher, in particular, may be tempted to manipulate and control Cristiane. (HAhahaha, gosh, lol This was very funny!! He can be tempted, but well, my purse works hard, lol ) Also, either of you may feel threatened, embarrassed, or disempowered by revealing so much of yourself to the other, and consequently feel the need to be secretive and competitive with each other. ( I am conscious That I do embarass Chris sometimes with my questions, lol But I dont feel there is a "competitive" atmosphere between us... naaaaa, we are so close to each other , we are so much friends of each other, that I could say that we are one soul. So, there is NO place for competitions.... ) You have a profound influence upon one another, for good or ill.

So, here is the "matching" thing, lol
Funny, isnt it?
Its is weird that it came so close to what I actually think and feel.

Anyway, another day has just ended - now its 12:26am , and I am counting the days until I meet my Chris again :)

Gosh, one more month... and 23 days.

We will survive, I am sure.

I miss him very much.

Gosh.

Escrito por Crissy às 00h14
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Ahh... One of the many things that both Chris and I just love is to go and search for new ideas, new thoughts, new quotes, and why not, "new old words"? lol

I say "new old words" (or should i say: "old new words"?) because they are from an old time but extremely new for us both.

Funny how we go living our lives w/o paying attention to many things around us, filled with meaning, many times a fantastic history hidden on it, and , for my happiness, a lot of discrepancies, lol

The "newest old word" for the week is: maundy
I had never seen, read, or heard this word before and I confess that when Chris wrote that down, I was sure he had misspelled it for "monday". But then, he kept writing this word in his sentences and I thought: "Naa... he wouldnt misspell such a silly word so many times, over and over..." But I continued observing his text and there it came, again and again..... "maundy.....maundy.....maundy......" Gosh, I got very much puzzled and asked him: "Why the hell are you writing maundy instead of monday??" - He said, very "straight to the point" : "Its the name of the holiday."

Gosh, "what holiday?????" I must tell you that: I have been working inside schools for nearly 12 years.... And being in touch with all sort of holidays and celebrations in english-speaking countries, so this idea of "maundy" being a holiday, a celebration, gosh, it shocked me a lot! "What could that be?"

Chris couldnt explain that for me in details in that right time we were talking - he had just got in from work, and he was probably reading his mails while I was talking non-stop, lol So, he promised me to search for info and send me via e-mail what he could gather around in the net...

Yes, he so-kindly sent me a few paragraphs about this "so-much-new" word .
but I confess that I read it through many times, and couldnt "catch" the real meaning. Like: maundy is "this".

Take a look at the paragraph he sent me:

"The word "Maundy" is derived from the Latin mandatum meaning "command" - the same Latin root as mandatory and mandate. This is a reference to Christ's commandment to love one another, made at the Last Supper (the day before the crucifixion) when Jesus washed His disciples' feet. "

Well, first of all: I learnt not to believe in ANY assumption on the origin, that is, the ethinicity of a word or expression. This science, the ethimology, is NOT an exact science. It is made up with 'perhaps', and 'may-be's", not giving us a 100% of certainty whether the description is reliable or not. So, whenever i come across such "heroic starters" of description of ethinicity, origin, like this one above, I start to doubt all the rest of the text.

Nevertheless, I took my time tonight and did look up the word "maundy" in many sources, internet, and proper dictionaries. It is so amazing the amount of variations we find!!

I found 3 "origins" for this "maundy" word. 1) the above stated, saying it came from latin --> Mandatte... 2) it came from the name of the basket in where the money ppl used to give to poor people during this celebration was kept. The name of the basket is "mande". 3) A third and very intriguing one: it came from the word "amendoa", a sort of nuts very popular in Italy, Spain, France and Portugal. These nuts used to be given away for poor ppl.

So..and now? hehehe

Funny, isnt it? Then, I took a time and started searching for this holiday in many religious sites for catholic, presbiterian and also adventist. LOL Each one gave a different explanation, but one in common was : "the day to wash the feet of poor ppl, asJesus had done so, in his last supper." And blablablabla

If the "holy friday" (in here) is called "the good friday" (in there), so, no big deal that our "Holy thursday" is called "Maundy Thursday" in there, lol
But very strange that I had never heard of it before! Also, in those religious sites I was reading tonight, I found out that the ceremony of "washing feet" has been changed many times: The vatican once approved, then, a concilium denied, then, it was approved again, then, Ireland adopted, then France adopted, then France denied, then Portugal denied too, but shortly after, they accepted... gosh... Very confusing story.

My soaps are much easier to understand, lol

The only thing I know for sure now, at this right moment, is that Chris is thinking now, while reading this text: "Go wash some dishes, darling!!" LOL

Yes, plenty of cups and knives and plates to be washed inside my kitchen's sink, LOL

Incredible how I manage to use so many knives, gosh... I was observing today, while washing my dishes, the amount of knives I use. Knife for butter, another for cheese, another one for pate, another for bread, another to open an yogurt cup, another to open the pack of sausages I cooked on sunday, gooooosh!!!!

Ah! another to slice the salami i bought (peperonni), and finally another one to cut an apple I ate this morning....

And number of plates: one to place the hot dog (ah! just remembered I used another knife to spread mayo in the hot dog), another to place the slice of carrots cake I bought this morning. Glasses: 1 .

So I had a pile of knives , 2 plates and 1 glass. Why do i need so many knives, gosh

And knife-knives reminds me of the "non-logical" "dwarf-dwarfs", that i simply refuse to speak. To me, they will always be: "dwarf-dwarves", otherwise i will start saying: "knifes, wifes" etc.

LOL

OK, time to sleep, enough of pillow talk for tonight.

LOL

PS-->> Oh! I have just thought that this "maundy" word could have its origin in the french "mardi", tuesday....

LOL

Escrito por Crissy às 00h22
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Living with me...

Life is going on, the hectic pace, although things at school have slower down, thanks god.
Now, all I have to do is the maintenance of my work, I mean, watching teachers performance, dealing with parents - that come to me to talk - most of the times dis satisfyed - gosh, parents are sooooooo dumb. They expect their kids to speak a foreign language in the shortest lengh of time, like if it was by magic. They seem to be ignorant cos a foreign language is not something one acquires from one time to another. It takes minimum of 10 years for a person to feel familiar with a foreign language, if the person doesnt live in the country where it is spoken. Michael, that american teacher i had last year, he could speak perfect portuguese in 3 months living in here and interacting with ppl in here, not being shy to open his mouth and speak. Even tho his accent prevented him from pronouncing the right consonants, lol

It was funny to listen to Yasir speaking in portuguese when i met him. Funny how he could pick the sentences and apply them in the perfect context. For instance, we were all inside his car, going to the restaurant, when a car crossed our way in a dangerous way, he straight away, yelled : "Filho da Puta!!!" HAhaha This was completely right, as we do say this when this sort of situation arises. lol

Also, he could speak quite a few sentences, full in meaning and in the right context. Adri was a good teacher, lol Another thing that helps him is - as Adri says, he is curious about the language, he finds it a "funny code", "a music language", lol So he is always asking her how to say this or that. Also, another point is that Adri speaks in portuguese with her kids, and of course, he has a lot of imput, exposition in the language.

I was thinking these days, that Chris will have some trouble in here concerning this point, as he is not going to meet ppl all the time who can understand what he says, it will be a very rich moment in his life, i suppose, as he will get to know that English language is not "that" important outside english speaking borders, and also that we can live a life without knowing a single word of it, with no problem.

He will get to see a whole country, with continet size, speaking and living in a language, without needing to speaking the "so-famous" english, lol This will be good to him, i believe as it will give him a real dimension of how big - and small our planet is.

Normally, english native pp think that other peoples cant live a good life in their countries, because "their countries", "strange countries" are not able to understand THEIR countries. I mean, just because ppl dont speak english as their native language, their mother tongue, it doesnt mean that we have the SAME CULTURAL STANDARD and moreover, a HIGH life level, that there is LIFE outside their borders, and ppl who dont give a shit for what england, or US says or thinks. lol

This is naturally, a shock for them. I have seen already foreigners in here, surprised by the facts that we have exactly the same things - and many times at a better level, as they do have in their "comfort zones". Surprised eyes when seeing that it doesnt matter if we dont speak english, we "still" can get a life and do our things. lol

The fact is that i am sure that Christopher will get surprised at a first stage. And secondly, I am sure he will feel at home. It will take him 2 days to get into the mood, like, to understand that he is in the other side of the atlantic ocean, miles away from home, and that in here, doesnt matter what is happening over there.

It is funny. I felt this when i been there. Its funny the sensation u get, like, u are there, in the other side of the atlantic, living in a different clock time, with a different climate, different ethnic background, different streets, different way of living, everything is different. Nothing ressembles Brasil. NO-THING.

I wonder if he will get the same sansation. As he has travelled to Germany and France, but those 2 countries are europeans ones. Its different when u go to the "new world". A 500-year-old continent. He will find funny of the number of the construction sites spread around, showing that "hey! we are a new country! we are still under construction!".

Escrito por Crissy às 12h52
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Also, another thing: the difference of life - level. Socially, he will be certainly shocked at seeing the poor children on the streets, abandoned children, asking for money. Or, the mess the streets are- if compared to the clean and organized streets of London.

The number of ppl with a tired face, walking down the main avenues, the mass crowds in the rush hour. (Piccadilly Circus, which is considered the busiest point of London - and europe, seems like the traffic i have here in my neighbourhood - which is considered a quieter area, hahahaha) If He knows that a "light" traffic jam consists of 7km of jammed cars, he will faint.

The sound of São Paulo, a mix of street drillers, ambulance, horns - all the times, vending cars and megaphones, and commerce alarms going off all the times, gosh, he will feel really shocked.

London is so quiet.

I found London to be what I could find at a countryside city from here. Many times I observed the silence of the streets, ppl walking in peace, no horns, no beggars, no ambulance sirenes etc. São Paulo is thousand times noisier. lol I couldnt believe I was in a "Capital city", when i was in there.

Cos my idea of "capital" my reference is the mess we have in here. So, to me it was a great surprise. And I can imagine his face when he sees how huge our country is.

But, well, let me jot down the aspects of Brasil - São paulo - Porto Seguro that I think he will enjoy and the things he wont. Then, while he is here, i can observe - from his discreet eyes, if I am wrong or right:

HE WILL LOVE:

* Climate in São Paulo, he will get here in the winter, around 20C and 15C. He will feel fine, although he will feel the humidity level is much higher than in UK. He will sweat. lol

* The food. Yes, this I am sure he will be surprised and in total love with.

* The people. I will try to introde him to ppl, and make him speak with them, he will like it how brasilian ppl are open,easy and smiley, lol

* The city structure in terms of commerce. He will like it how u can get absolutely everything at ease. Our shops are very well furnished, many 24 hours cafes and restaurants, and supermarkets. And everything he can think of - except indian food delivery, lol

* The water. Yes, this is something he will feel the difference. I could not drink the water from there. Gosh, it is horrible, it has a taste of "spoiled", "dirty", or maybe "old" water. The first time i tried, I thought i had bought an old bottle , and read the valid time for it. it was still valid. I bought another one, just in case, from another brand. Blergh. Tasted the same. It tastes terrible. In Rome, I tried again, to drink the water, bought a glass of water in the airport. Gosh, it had the same taste.
While in here, I asked ppl why the water from there had this disgusting taste? They said that they dont have the water fountains, as we have in here, the water was scarse, and it had a high level of alcalin things on it, due to the rocks etc. It was not dirty, obviously, but it had minerals that our water from here dont have. Result: when in UK, I just had coke and wine, lol Also, this can be translated to the quality of the water , in the taps. I couldnt imagine My hair got so messy even tho i was washing it with a french shampoo!! Lol

* The shopping centres – on Sunday, when we get to São Paulo, I want to go to a Shopping centre with him. He will like it and will feel comfortable as well.

He will NOT Love it

* The way he will feel he is inside a sauna when he gets to the Northeast.

* The poor people on the streets beggin money, all the time, non stop, 24 hours a day.

* The ways the strreets are not so clean.

The noisy São Paulo.

* The way he wont be able to understand the TV programs.

* The communication barrier.

* Our tea. He will hate it

* the way u cant walk in peace, at a slow pace.

* The way ppl drive.

The unpunctuality of brazilian ppl. Lol

Escrito por Crissy às 12h51
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