Sunday - 27th  June.  22:30

Chris sent me more messages from his mobile saying he is near Scotland.  Also said that it was raining  (english loves to talk about weather, hehe) and that he would take many pics.  Gosh! He said he saw them moors!!!  Oh!! How stunning it must be! Hope he does ok in his course and comes back home well.

I very much worry about him being away.  I dont know.. A kind of motherhood stuff..  Like having my baby away from me..  Im afraid he can get hurt or something.  How silly I am.

Weird not having him in my reach so easily.  I miss him loads.

Funny fact is that whenever i mention this to him - and i sure do it all the time, to make sure he knows im here, and that i love him - he never replies me back.. :(
Not that I am kinda waiting for a reply or a feedback, but it tires me a lot to be always the first one to say that.

Like, he never took the action and said first: "Cris, im missing u a lot. I love you, my darling."  It is always me who says that first.  Some times he responds but other times, he stays silent or changes the subject.

I find it sad cos I, many times, in a way to get rid and to lower down the feelings someone had for me, whenever this someone said: "I love you and im missing you", I stayed quiet and changed the subject.
Sometimes i think he doesnt love me as he says - when he does say - he does.  That he is simply, automatically responding to my "I love you"´s w/o really meaning that.

I dunno...  I think Im getting tired of being always the first one to say that.

Im really depressed, gosh.

To make things worst, dad came here this afternoon - again, gosh, I hate it when he comes sat and sund - I want some time in peace and alone. And we were talking about a possible move to the USA.
He didnt show simpathy and also told me that my brother had talked to him about my move to his place and had told dad that he had some restriction about my presence in there.

I could not believe my ears.  I cried a lot.  Since i was the one who had always supported him in his idea of moving to the USA.  I cannot believe it that my brother had done this to me.  I am really disappointed.
I dunno what to do .
If I cant go to the US...then...where to go?
In here, i cannot stay anymore...  as there seems not to have available jobs for me
I talked over to my brother via MSn some while ago and asked him the reason he had said that shit to my dad.  He behaved cold as ice.

I cant recognize my brother anymore.  He has changed a lot.  I am really sad.
Only because he is in a better position as I am not, earning more money and away from all the trouble I am involved in ehre, in this country, He started to behave strangely.  Well..  all I can say is that I really dont know what to do.

I sent some resumes to some good schools in here this morning.  Hope I have a reply soon.  Also, I talked to my area coordinator - Ricardo and chatted about the branch in here, whose owner wants me to work for his team, but only in 2005.  So, i think he wants me to go skiing in Aspen for 6 months and then, come back and works in his school....  Gimme a break.

Im begining to get desperate.  The money i will receive is far well to support me for 2 months. After these 2 months, i am broken, totally.  I dunno what to do.  It is terrible to stay waiting for a reply or something.

What can I do now? How Will I pay for my bills?  Light? telephone? condo fees? and food? and health?
Im in deep shit.

IF I am about to take a serious decision, i gotta do it as soon as possible.  This week, Im going to revalidate my passport.  And also, see some paper things i left behind.

All I have to do is to have my passport in my hands.  And Also, I will try to get a USA visa. I dont know if they will give me, as i have no ties anymore to the country and they usually denies visas for ppl like me.

If, I cant have my visa to USA, then, i will ask Adriana to gimme shelter for some time in UK.
I will fly there, and in there, i will try to make a living.  - But im afraid.  Cos, I know i will be a kind of "heavy weight" to adri.  Also, I know that Chris doesnt want me there.  I will feel more alone than i actually feel in here.

Gosh...  Well... of course that i dont want to live on anybodys and i dont want to disturb noone, dont want to bring trouble to ppl.  But i need to make a decision on my life.

This will be the most important decision i will make in my whole life.

I want the gods from Olymp to guide me.

And make my thoughts conscient and wise.

I love you.

MORE HIGHLIGHTS ON THE SOAPOPERA!!!

These are some pics taken of the party that was held in Rio de Janeiro, with the characters of the story.

Renato - Michê and Inácio in the party.
Funny to see them 3 together, hehe

The director Denis Carvalho, and his muse, the bad girl Laura.

Gilberto Braga - the author of the story and Cachorra. 

Gosh!! I love this girl!!!!!

This is the so-famous Chris:)

Hope one day we can be like this: together. 

This is me and Orion. (www.fotolog.net/orionfalcone)

This pic was taken during the party of my cousin Cinthia. She turned 23 years old.

This it the first day of my silence in the web.
I have posted the image telling I would go on a trip and would be off internet things. - except for my blog, obviously.
I took this decision due to the fact i am going on a very nervous moment of my life, just like if I am in a PMS 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
In fact, this trip thing i decided in the beghining of the past week, but was kind of thinking about where to go.  Of course I will spend some time with mom and from there, i plan to go sole to another city, within the state limits. Cristina has offered me her flat on the beach.  Lets see if i am brave enough to move around.

One aspect of the depression is that u feel like not leaving the house.  This is how i feel.
today I woke up at 9am... had something to drink and went back to bed.  Then, i woke up again at 3pm.
I started cleaning my flat, and then, stayed tunned on TV to see the match for Eurocup Holland v Sweden.

My father turned up by the second half.  We watched the rest of the game together.

Last night, Chris informed me that he was about to go on a short trip to the North of the Country in order to attend a course.  I hated it.  
So difficult the idea of he being so far.  Of course that we are already far from each other, but it is silly how i feel he is even further from me when he said he was going on a trip.

I even had a dream with him.
Gosh... so crazy dream.

I dreamt he was here, in brazil, but he was quite different from the pics.  He was shorter and thin, very thin.  Also, he had a different personalitty.  I, many times, asked him things about his life to check if that man was really him, cos i found him very different from what he behaves like in the mSn.

He behaved like a jerk.  I asked him: "What is the food u most hate in ur life?" ....Tham man thought for a while, but responded correctly.  "Marmite".   I was very much surprised.   Then, i begun a sucession of questions, very intimate ones, just to see if i could catch him in a lie.

I dont remember the rest of the dream.  The only thing i remember is the figure of that man who called himself as Chris.
But that was not Chris.  How weird.

Well..  Now it is 19:16 and i have received a message from him.
He sent me a message through his mobile text messaging, directly to my MsN window.

 Then I responded: "

THE END OF THE SOAP OPERA (NOVELA) CELEBRIDADE!!!!

Some pics taken from the TV scenes (GLOBO) I want you to see:

LINEU VASCONCELOS - the old man and the suspects

of his murder.

From left to right:
Paula, Renato, MAria Clara, Ubaldo, Laura (cachorra), Fernando, Inácio, Father of Darlene.

The pic that was being sent in mails during the whole week...  preparing the audience to watch the final episode.

In this pic, u can see an extra character...MICHE, the bf of LAura.

LAura kidnaps MAria Clara's daughter...  She threatens Fernando (MAria Claras bf and father of this girl) that she wants him to give her the tape in which contains the video that proves she is a faked a trick to get MAria Clara into jail due to drug dealing.

She takes her daughter who was on the beach with her baby sitter, spanked the baby sitter, and ran to her house, phoned Fernando and told him she had his daughter under her power.

Renato arrives at her house and find her in there, with the baby and stays there...

Fernando arrives, very worried about his daughter, holding the tape on his hands. Renato beats him from his back, he faints, and Renato gets the tape and tells LAura (cachorra) to leave the country with him.  She denies.

Miche has a gun with him and points it to Renato.. Telling him to give him the tape, that he and Laura would go abroad and live their lives.. Renato also has a gun with him...and ....he shoots quicker... He shoots Miche...
Laura, starts crying. And she tries to kill the little child, trying to hang the littlee gilr with her scarf - the golden one.  Fernando who was on the floor, fainted..He wakes up and sees Miche ded, on the floor, and tries to stop Laura.

Fernando, takes her daughter from LAuras hands, and runs outside the house. The police is coming.
Renato and Laura get nervous .   She cries a lot looking at her bf dead on the floor.  She looks at Renato, grabs the bf guns, on the floor, and opints at Renato.
He starts to cry out, telling her to put dow the gun,   When she threatens to shoot her gun , saying: YOU KILLED MICHE, he points his gun at her and shoots her by her belly.

Laura is dead.

The police arrive.

The POlice detective tries to speak to her, before she dies, asking her the details about Lineu murdery.
She confess it was her who had killed him.
She, and Michê is dead.  Renato is taken to prison.

Laura dies holding Miche, her bf.

The police waits outside the house and tells them to leave the house, hands out.

 This was the hottiest part of this NOVELA (soap) which ended tonight.

Rede Globo television expected about 30 million ppl watching to its end.  Easy tho, as if u think that they count about 45% of TV's tunned on the story tonight.

The newspaper, magazines, and tv programs, radio programs all talked about it during the whole week.  PPl made bets at work, discussed with the family about who would be Lineus murderer. 
I bet on the mother of Maria Clara as she had inherited from Lineu an apartment and she knew that if he died she and her daughter woould be in a good position.
But well... the author decided to blame Laura..
Poor Laura..hehehe

Gosh, I really liked this soap.  I like it when they write stories about criminals, but not only about their crimes, but also how they make it, the gossips, the tricks, how they manipulate ppl.  It is fantastic the human soul.

Congratulations for Gilberto Braga And his team for this nice soap.  Pity it has ended.  Now, Portugal and more 85 countries of the world will have the pleasure to watch it, as it has already been sold to all the world.

A contemporary story.
With characters from real life.
Searching for fame and fortune.

This was Celebrity.  Celebridade.

A stunning novela (soap)

Bye for now. :)

I have been going through a load of shit in these past weeks
god only knows what i ahve been going through
but at the same time i have to be smilling around
this sucks a lot
I wanted to send everyone to hell

and damm

fuck off

FUCK MY JOB

FUCK MY FRIENDS

FUCK MY HOUSE

FUCK MY BOOKS

FUCK MY PLANS

FUCK MY TRIP

FUCK MY FEELINGS

GOSH... I NEED TO FUCK...

I HAVE THE SENSATION THAT I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES ABOUT IT

NOT EVEN ....... AHHHHHH

FUCK IT ASWELL

DONT WANT TO BLOG

DONT WANT TO FLOG

I WANT MY LIFE BACK

I WANT MY LIFE BACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Sunny SUNday here!

Woke up at 11am with the telephone ringing in my ears.  That was dad saying he would turn up to have the s-famous lazagna at around 1pm.

Good heavens.  I had bottles of beer in the living room and a whole collection of cd´s on the floor.   That was a heavy drinking night.   With bits of scientific research with Chris online,lol  - gosh

I was thinking about the school this afternoon.   Not about the school itself, but with the money i shall get from the job resign thing.

With this money, i can go to england in September, if i wish.  But have to find another job first.  Maybe something will came out this week, as I have on Monday - tomorrow at 16:30, i will have a meeting with the owner of another Skill school who is interested in my job.  The good thing is that he is the nephew of the Skill owner.  The man who created Skill.  So, that means: once i am blessed by him, i will have open doors to the main office.  Not that I am interested in working in there or something, but a good personal marketing is necessary for a professional.

I believe that inside a company, doesnt matter how big it is, a professional got to make his own marketing broadcast.  But this is something that must be made very carefully, otherwise the ppl below u can feel like "pulling the rug ur standing over".  For example:  when i started working at Skill, i knew anybody from other skill schools, except for a ex-university friend who works in a branch.  I got there in Skill invited by my Pedagogical Coordinator.  I had to go through long interviews, and tests, and spend a whole week in the main office to attend a tiresome training session from 8 to 6 in the evening.

Little by little I started my job and making my personal marketing.  What i did? Well...  every single thing we used to develop in our branch, i quickly sent mails to all branches in the region telling what we were doing and inviting them to see.  - Of course that i did the same in relation to the main office. 

As time went by, i had built a good networking.  People started calling me by my name (not just "the Miruna co-ordinator), and nowadays, they all call me by my nickname "cris". Even ppl from the main office.

My acting inside Miruna was so strong and well erected (picked this word from Chris) that many ppl there thought that I was the owner of the branch, hehe  This is maybe cos i got so familiar with the things and structure of Skill that ppl have the sensation i was born in there.  :)

This is good, cos it is a feedback from my dedication.

Working with ppl is fascinating cos it is the only area u got some feedback, straight away.   It is so good to see the students, when knowing I am not staying in at the new shit school which will be opened in the next month, they turn to me and say:  "And me, Cris?  What happens then?  Where are you going to be? I go to where u go."

Also, from the mothers.  One of the mothers just called me on friday, before i went to the celebrity Junior party to ask me what my opinion about the new school was.  She said she trusted me as an educator and she knew i would never link my name and job to a bad thing.

When i said i wasnt staying in, gosh, she said: "OK...I understand all...  u dont have to give me further explanations..."

And, talking back about "personal marketing", there is a person in the Skill branch i am going to receive a job offer from, that is simply the "king of self- marketing". I wont say his name in here, for obviuos reasons, but all I can say is that he did all wrong. hahahah

He was so much worried about his self marketing thing that he forgot to take care of his school..   and now? what happened to him?? hehehe... oh dear.

The teachers simply hate him.  and the teachers work in a way to abort his work.  This is sad, But it is a good lesson:  have to work as a team.  have to bring teachers for u, as a big family.  treat them right.  feed them with opportunities, love ur work.  Love ur colleagues.  Learn and teach.

Gosh.

I think i should write a book on this theme.

By for now.

and good luck for me tomorrow.

THE BEST COUPLE OF CHARACTERS FROM GLOBO SOAPOPERA !!!

C E L E B R I T Y 

In TV Globo’s 8 PM novela Fabio Assunção plays Renato Mendes,
the Editor of an important magazine called Fame.
Capable of creating and destroying Celebrities as he wishes,
Renato has no moral values and will do anything for power and money.
This is Fábio’s return to playing the bad boy on tv, since 1993 when he
played Jorge in “Sonho Meu”.  

The story is full of excitement and passion.

Writen by Gilberto Braga. Also starring: Malu Mader, Marcos palmeira,
Claudia Abreu, Thiago Lacerda, Alexandre Borges, and Marcelo Faria  

After being married for so long time, feeling a mix of fear, revolt, and disgust for each other... the couple simply surrended to their desire....   and had a wild night of sex. How exciting this scene was!!

The way one looked at the others eyes... The furious desire...
the sadic attraction...  He, as always, so good looking and gorgeous.....
passing his hands over her body...  She, closing her eyes in pure excitment. 
She loves him....And he loves her....This is certain....  But they also hate each other. 
Wow!! How wildd sex they had!!!

 Renato: beautiful, gorgeous, intelligent, smart, charming..

Oh my God...how this man is GORGEOUS!!!!!!!

Even being caought in Lauras plans, putting him in a bad situation...
Renato still looks wonderful. A charming man.

Laura looks at him...  and smile...  an evil soul...in a pretty face!!!

Laura and her lover... meeting in a secret place.

...and being caught by surprise by Renato and his body guards...
(how she could do this to him? eh?)

Renato talking to his partner, Joel.  The witness and "friend" of his evil
plans against everyone who tries to cross his way out.

Laura and her lover...  before getting married to renato.. She takes Marcos (michê) to live in her mansion.

 AND TO FINISH TODAYS PHOTOS GALLERY FOR CELEBRITY SOAPOPERA,
NOTHING ELSE BETTER THAN THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, SEXY, CHARMING, MAN IN BRAZIL: